A Stranger.

I was lying in bed,

The same as every other day,

When I heard the door unlock.

Surprised, I jumped up and waited for a sound.

The door opened and shut,

keys fell onto the table.

Light breathing could be heard,

Was it me or was it her?

Who was this person,

Walking into my house?

I emerged from the doorway to a light flickering on.

Seeing her seeing me,

Something triggered,

A sense of longing and adoration,

Single candleflame flickered.

She smiled at me, approached to greet,

I felt like running,

Confused and on my feet,

I turn and disappear into darkness further,

Her voice reached for me,

It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

So why can’t I be happy,

With the love of my life?

Who is this person,

That I vowed to be my wife?

I’d like to sit in the comfort of,

Black in the abyss,

Run away from harm’s way,

When I’m dragged into this.

Memories that are not mine,

Flood behind my eyes,

Feelings that longed to exist,

Were suddenly there to my surprise.

Who am I?

Where am I?

Is this not paradise?

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Trapped in time,

Given this life,

O what am I?

But ephemeral,

Corporeal,

Does definition define,

What I espy in my eyes?

I will never know,

I’m too busy asking questions,

But all of these questions,

Surround me and I’m naked,

Too unworthy to look into your eyes,

Your gods have left me,

Feeling alone and reaching for my wine.

O how I’d love to rewind,

Make decisions I’d be proud of,

My mental anguish,

Isn’t the tied to the boundless,

Imagination of its host,

I’m afraid of existential threats,

That won’t affect future generations.

But here I am,

Afraid to ask for help,

Too lonely to continue,

So I hope the one I need finds me,

Afraid it’s too late and all I have,

Is gravity crushing me,

Into a ball,

Flesh and something like blood,

Teeth and veins,

Apparent to the change,

Groaning as the house,

Consumed by the flood,

Lurches back and forth.

I sit as still as can be,

The doorway to salvation,

Floating under me,

Take my hand,

And ride into the sea,

There lies Poseidon,

King of waves and infamy.

Something

There’s not much I know,

Besides my own emotions,

Left in the truck,

Picking up cigarettes at Quik Trip,

Gone in a puff of smoke,

A wave of your hands,

Quantum entanglement,

Left in the settlement,

Of accidents too far off,

From memory to,

Possibility,

The more I spew,

The more becomes elementary,

Fungus spores cling,

To lung walls green,

Vapors in the airways,

Breath struggles,

For the airspace.

The more I think about you,

The more I imagine,

Me dying and succumbing to,

The environment,

lying in a pool of spittle,

No matter how fast I was,

Cool I had been,

Or whatever,

We strive to be more than,

Hollow deaths,

How can we be more,

Than minor threads?

Slip Away

I don’t feel so creative,

I never have anything I want to say,

How I find the time to write,

I’ll never know anyway.

As I lie in wait,

For death’s embrace,

I wish for better days,

And more colorful nights,

I feel like I just,

Slip away, slip away,

To a silent embrace,

Sleep my life away,

Led astray.

It’s not about the money,

It’s the people I don’t have,

With me,

Why do I feel so guilty?

When I’m the one who left.

If it’s for the better,

I need to slip away,

Undercover,

Just say goodbye,

Nothing else is left,

Except to close my eyes.

Lying Awake

As I lay,

Dying and alone,

Nothing changing,

Besides the screen of the phone,

And a scream from my throat,

I wonder how long left,

Is my life,

The very thought should not,

Even be addressed,

But I digress.

Lying in the cold,

A forgotten world of old,

Aching over decisions that,

Could have been,

Not those that I let in.

In through a window,

Eyes falling down,

Stairwells of ash and brown,

Stars that could weigh down,

Faults that meld around.

I wish I could tell you,

About the dream I had of us,

You wanted to cuddle,

Instead of saying “gross”,

I still liked you,

With a little beard,

You didn’t want to shave,

What could I say?

I still felt,

Maybe more than I remember,

Getting to hold you,

Words can’t remember,

How exactly I felt,

Emotions running high,

When I woke I wept,

Because I couldn’t say goodbye.

Enough

I don’t know what it’s like,

To live a normal life,

I’m not sure what normal is.

I’m always waiting for something to happen,

But when it happens I’m immobile and numb,

I’m always too tired,

Always never good enough,

I’ve always tried my hardest but I think it just isn’t enough.

For you.